I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
