So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
