I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I have fence marks all over my body
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
