yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
