he wants to bone in the snuggie
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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