mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm too high and old for this...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
