So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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