They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
