I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize