you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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