So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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