so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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