Apparently you make a good broom.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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