Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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