I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
