So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
