Well apparently he's into motor boating.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
