Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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