You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
