Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
