Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She's the barista slut.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
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I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
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Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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