my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
