So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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