The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
