I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
