I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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