all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
