sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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