We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Randomize
