Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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