Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
