just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize