I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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