You're my little dorito
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
