i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
