She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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