i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
