Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
