Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
