and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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