I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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