God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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