The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
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I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
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So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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