why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize