I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There r osticjed everywhere
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
