so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is Oprah even human
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
