She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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