He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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