I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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