You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
