This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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