I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
