i just had sex bonerless
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
