Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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