Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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