somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
