He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
