He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
