Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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