Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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