the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My vagina is officially offended.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
