On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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