There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
