you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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