I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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