i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
