I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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