your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
