nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
