a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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